Beryl's Journey With Breast Cancer: Marching Forward with postive energy! I Have Hair (some hair), Post Chem updates.

Hello Everyone:) Some after chemo thoughts. I think I mentioned before that I have had to deal with some depression, after my reconstruction surgery. The thing was it took me a while to understand that I was depressed. When you do not want to get off the couch, walk talk, eat - even the feeling of helpless. Those of you that know me, understand this description is really the opposite of my normal self. Here are some signs of depression :

Depression symptoms include:

Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
Reduced sex drive
Insomnia or excessive sleeping
Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain
Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
Irritability or angry outbursts
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration
Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren't going right
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
Crying spells for no apparent reason
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

When I realized depression had settled in I called my family Dr. she increase the dose of the anti depression I was taking. After a few days I was feeling much better. The lesson I have learned is reach out to others make a phone call , you do not to have to live with these over whelming feelings. Never feel like you are bothering your Doctor. You just simple have to do it! Depression tries to creep back in, I am wiser now and will not let it take over my daily life!

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Today I saw Dr. Bhandari for my two month checkup - he is doubling my dose of Tamoxifen for the next two months, I am tolerating Tamoxifen well :) However I will not be taking it for five years. IN December he will be introducing me to a new estrogen blocker. I will stop the Tamoxifen. Of course I can not remember the name of the new drug! LOL There is a new study out that shows the newer drug is more effective in preventing re occurrence of breast cancer. I asked him about re-occurrence. He said it could come back, it could come back any where in my body. How do you know if it comes back? He will check my blood work every six months, blood count is important, He also wants to know if I develop any pain that does not go away. I am now aware of the fact that cancer does not just go away. Chemo kills the current cancer but does not stop it from coming back. As I walk this path "living with cancer" I truly under stand the meaning of early detection. This is breast cancer awareness , make sure please please you get you mammogram/ ultra sounds and you check ups.

I will continue to try and make a difference any way I can. If someone needs help on their journey I will be available.Reaching out to others is my therapy

Chemo Brain - OMG it is very hard to carry on a normal conversation. It takes a while to pull out of my brain what I am trying to say. I have discovered this is normal! I am going to let Idelle Davidson explain it for me. hehe I have some pictures to post but I can not figure out how to post them. I will get Peter to help !

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Post Chemo by Idell Davidson

I was forgetful, would have to really focus to keep myself on task. Mid-sentence, I would either forget a word, get stuck on a word, or simply stop talking because I could not remember what I was saying.

Nine months post-chemo I went on a trip with girlfriends and could barely focus on a conversation or events. I dreaded going because I knew I was not myself. Then at night I would cry ALOT which was very unlike me. The post-chemo was far worse than actual chemo for me. It all just hit me and never left. I was going on job interviews, talking to recruiters because I had to, but looking back I was messed up.

I am two years from diagnosis this month and I finally feel like myself. I would say the fog has lifted 90%. The tamoxifen seems to have no effect on anything for me, thankfully.

The most telling part of my chemo fog, is when reading your book how long it took me to remember where I put my paperwork so I knew what chemo drugs I took (cytoxan and docetaxel)!

ourbrainafterchemo.blogspot.com/2010/01/breast-cancer-at-38-with-fog-depression.html